Adoption Talk · Uncategorized · Writing Prompts

Openness in Adoption

Today is Erin Bohn’s Adoption Talk linkup, and the topic is Birth Families.

Birth Fam meme

Paige turned eight on Saturday. My parents’ gift arrived a little late, on Monday.

My fault.

Actually, Amazon’s fault.

After Paige opened her gift from Grandma and Grandpa, she asked:

“Mommy, did Ruth and David get me anything for my birthday?” 

Me: “Not that I know of.”

Paige: “Can you call and ask them?”

Me: Crap, what do I say?
“Not now.”
Maybe she’ll drop it…

Paige: “Do you have their number?”

Me: Maybe not.
“Paige, go see what Sissy’s looking at.”
Thank God for siblings, the ultimate distraction…


Because the truth is that Ruth and I connected almost a year ago. I’ve seen the proof that she is sober.

I’ve gotten to know the woman who had been buried by her addiction.  I think of her like a sister.

Andrew and I met with Ruth a couple weeks ago to discuss introducing her back into the girls’ life.

Ruth wants to do what’s best for the girls. She is happy that we’re taking so many precautions; it reassures her that we’re good parents. It may sound strange but that is really important to me.

Next step: Andrew and I meet with Payton’s therapist, who has been involved with us on and off for about five years. She knows the history, and then some.

In this meeting, we’ll discuss concerns and potential problems, and how we wish to proceed.

Ruth will join us at a second appointment, something she has told us she’s more than willing to do.

We want to move slow and take the first steps only if there is a relevant opening in conversation, such as when Paige asked about a birthday present. Ideally, the girls will know the full reason they were adopted first; however, this will depend on their age.

Andrew recommended to Ruth that she write letters to the girls so Ruth has something to give the girls when they do meet. Ruth recently told me she’d purchased a notebook for each girl, and was writing them a letter every week.

When the three of us met, Ruth offered to purchase and take a drug test.

“This is my drug test,” Andrew told her, putting his fingers to his eyes and then pointing tat her. “You can fake a drug test, but you can’t fake this.”

The things I’ve seen over the past year have proven she definitely isn’t faking it.

And I couldn’t be happier.


If you’re on the fence about open adoption, this video by Transfiguring Adoption will give you an insider’s perspective.




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